Cheating death and Rowling
by foxtrot run
Summary: Death is boring so what do our dead favourites do to get out of it? Just a kind of funny one-shot about how Fred, Cedric, Dumbledore and co. cheated death, and Rowling.


Fred sighed and blinked.

"You win again, Cedric."

Cedric Diggory smiled slightly but it was obvious to their onlookers that his heart wasn't really in his small victory of winning yet another staring contest.

"Merlin, this place is boring," huffed Tonks, lying back on the couch, her feet propped on Lupin's lap.

"Well, at least you haven't been here since book four," Cedric piped up, lacing his fingers together to begin the somewhat amusing game he'd created for his entertainment in those three years of loneliness.

"I don't know how you did it," Fred commented, altering his position in his armchair so that his head hung over the seat and his legs over the back, feet crossed in midair.

Dumbledore rolled his eyes. "Are we just going to sit around here all day or are we going to fight back?"

Looking confused, Lupin spoke up for the first time: "Fight back, Albus?"

"Yes! It's that Rowling woman's entire fault that we're here. I propose that we fight back!"

"Hmm…" Fred hummed, waving his feet around as the blood rushed to his head.

"Fred's gone red," observed Colin Creevy from beside his brother, Dennis, where they sat on the floor.

"That's a good idea. We'll get to raise our Teddy!" Lupin said brightly.

"And get out of this hell hole," added Tonks, her eyes not leaving the sky.

"I could finish school," Cedric pondered.

Fred screwed his face up at his former roommate.

"Why d'you want to finish school? George and me left the year after you came here."

"George and _I_," Cedric corrected.

"Whatever," Fred said, his head lolling back again. Dennis giggled.

"So," Dumbledore pushed, "who's going to come and fight back?"

"I'm in," Lupin decided.

"Yeah, why not?" Tonks agreed, dismissively turning her hair green.

"I'll come," Cedric said, watching Fred's reddening face with a raised eyebrow.

Colin and Dennis nodded slightly, rapt in Fred's face-colouring show.

"Me too otherwise Mum'll have a fit," Fred finally agreed, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue to amuse Dennis.

"It's settled then. Let's go."

And that is how they came to be standing on J.K. Rowling's front step that day.

Dumbledore rang the bell and the author herself answered, her eyes widening at the sight.

"But," she stammered, "I killed you all off in book 7!"

"You killed _me_ off in book 4," grumbled Cedric, glaring at her.

"We're here to complain," interrupted Dumbledore.

"Yeah!" added Fred for good measure.

"About what?" Rowling appeared to be quite confused.

"About you killing us off, actually," Lupin interjected, smiling politely.

"Oh…"

"Is that all you can say? 'Oh…'" Fred grimaced. "I would o' thought someone _smart_ wrote the books, but no."

"He has a point," Cedric agreed thoughtfully.

Tonks swatted the boy on the shoulder. "I'm sure she had a good reason to kill you lot off."

"Er…" said Rowling.

Fred glowered. "First George's ear, now my life!"

"Well," continued Dumbledore, "we just came to ask you to make us alive again, please."

"I can't do that, sorry," Rowling apologized, backing away from the mob on her 'welcome' mat.

"How come?" Dennis protested, hands on hips.

"The books are already published! I can't just re-write them all!"

"Good point-," Lupin said, twisting his mouth in thought.

"Thank-you," thanked Rowling.

"-You just need to write a new one where we all come back to life again!" Lupin continued, smiling happily.

"But…"

"Good!" exclaimed Dumbledore, clapping his hands together. "You have two days then I expect to be alive again. Thank-you for agreeing, Ms Rowling."

Rowling stared at her creation, mouth agape.

"She's a talkative one, isn't she," commented Fred.

"Mm," agreed Cedric and the group turned around and vanished.

Harry Potter and the People that Died then came back to Life 

_By J.K. Rowling_

_The day after the Final Battle, Fred, Cedric, Dumbledore, Tonks, Lupin, Colin and Dennis came back to life. It was a joyous occasion and they had a big party at the Burrow and Fred got to snog lots of girls._

The group beamed at Rowling and handed her back her improved work.

"I think that last line'll increase sales tenfold," Fred told her, tucking his quill back in his pocket after his first and last ever creative writing assignment.

"Hm…" Rowling answered, tucked the paper into an envelope and sent it to the publishers.

So the day after the Final Battle ended, they all came back to life and had a massive party at the Burrow and, indeed, Fred snogged lots of girls.

"I think that all worked out rather well," Cedric commented as they sat in the living room later that evening.

"Yes, I agree with you Mr Diggory," agreed Dumbledore, swirling his paper cup of Coke as he sucked on an ice cube.

"Maybe we should have brought Dobby back too?" Lupin suggested.

"Maybe next time," Tonks piped up, Teddy perched on her knee.

"Just as long as Rowling doesn't try to kill us again!" Fred said giddily as he sat upside down on his armchair, blood rushing to his head.

"Hmm," hummed Cedric.

"Next time bring back old Voldie. That'll stir things up a bit," Ron said, smiling as Fred's face turned steadily red.

Dumbledore chuckled, swallowing the ice cube. "As you wish, young Mr Weasley."


End file.
